greatness

i wrote a post a while ago about how as i have grown up, my goals in life have shifted from the concrete (novelist, journalist) to the ideal (to be happy). the problem with that is it's hard to quantify ideals. what does it mean to be happy? how do i achieve that?

i've been thinking about this recently because i am really happy. it's that wonderful, comfortable, content sort of happy. the kind of happy where, when sitting alone on my couch, i let out a deep breath and smile. just because. why is it that right now i am so happy? and how can i get this to continue?

it occurred to me that while creating my goals as a kid, i didn't want to be a non-selling author. i wanted to be a best-selling author. i didn't want to be a mediocre journalist, i wanted to be a great journalist in an exciting city. in reality, my goals were never about what i wanted to be, they were about being great at what i was doing.

i don't think i would have ever picked publishing media as a job when i was 10. (did i even know that it existed when i was 10? unlikely.) but here i am, succeeding, making a career, and enjoying my co-workers. i have a great job where i am constantly trying to be great.

i dreamed of living the fabulous new york life with a cool apartment, but it turns out that the cozy, easy life of boston is where i really feel at home. apparently boston has cool apartments and fun things to do, too.

i always imagined that i would meet good friends in college, but the reality of those friendships turned out to be much harder, but much more rewarding in return. i learned that some friendships were worth working at, and the ups and downs would make them stronger in the end.

there are times where my job isn't going well or my friendships are in down cycles in which i am less happy. but those hard times are what help me to grow and come out better--greater--on the other side. all i can do is try to live the greatest version of my life and be the greatest version of me that i can be. then, the happiness will come.