resolutions

at the beginning of the month i joined a gym. the fact that the beginning of the month was the beginning of january, and in turn, the beginning of the new year, had little to do with my decision. the gym, being the gym of my alma mater, offers discounted membership to alumni. in order to receive a greater discount, you need to join for either six months or a year. in order to join for six months or a year, you have to join in one of two specific time periods. one of those is january.

as i began telling people about my new membership, i was constantly asked if the reason i joined was because of a new year's resolution. i would calmly explain that no, in fact, i joined in january because i wanted the discounted rate and to be able to exercise during the winter. as more and more people began to question my motives, i got more and more defensive. IT'S NOT A RESOLUTION, i wanted to shout at anyone who would listen. but no one seemed to care.

so, to make myself feel better, i started thinking of all the reasons why resolutions are silly. first and foremost, there is the stigma. i felt this even though i didn't have a resolution. everyone asked me what my resolution was. then they skeptically asked me if i was really going to stick to it. it wasn't even a resolution and the whole world seemed to think i was going to fail already.

next, i thought, who needs new year's anyways? if i wanted to make a change in my life, i could do it anytime during the year. the change of the calendar was a silly reason to think about what in my life needed sweeping change.

then, i continued, there is the fear. what if my life does need sweeping change? and what if i actually fail at it? what if people remember this was my resolution and ask me about it? making a resolution usually means broadcasting it to the world. if i don't make a resolution, i don't have to tell anyone, so no one will know if i succeed or not.

and finally, i surmised, there is the whole theory of it. making a resolution for the year means that i am not happy with something in my life. by focusing on the negative, i am just reinforcing what is wrong with my life instead of appreciating what is good. then if, and when, i do fail at the resolution, it will not only make me realize that there is one thing that i want to change about my life, but i will feel even worse because i can't even change it!

so i had myself convinced. resolutions were not for me. i want to be happy, so that means keeping any hint of a resolution to myself. but something about that conclusion just didn't sit right with me, because when it comes down to it a resolution is no more than a goal. am i really saying that having goals is bad? do i really believe that i am destined to fail at my goals? is it really so bad to be held accountable for that which i strive to accomplish?

i realize now it is not so much that resolutions are wrong, it is that my attitude toward them is wrong. a successful resolution-ist should be able to see goals not as something that means life now is bad, but rather that life in the future could be different. not drastically different, just different enough to put a new spin on next year's existence. resolutions are goals and goals lead to change. so in fact, i do have a resolution this year. i want to accept enough change to be able to create some goals so that next year i can proudly share my resolution to anyone who asks.