headphones

riding the bus home today, headphones securely in my ears, i zoned out. i thought about the work i left undone, the dinner i was going to make, and the baseball game i planned to watch. it wasn't until halfway through the ride that i realized i couldn't actually hear the music that was playing.

i looked around at the others on the bus wearing headphones, each zoned out in their own way, and wondered if they were using the headphones for their intended use -- listening to music -- or using them for the same reason i was -- to create an illusion of solitude.

living in a city, you are never alone. even when i am at home in my apartment by myself, there are the people on the street outside, or people in the apartment next door watching t.v. everything in a city is a communal experience. when i am walking down the street, riding the bus, or reading a book in the park, distractions are constantly around. i people watch, i eaves drop, i look around for people that i will need to avoid.

wearing headphones is the excuse to stop. it started simply enough. using headphones meant i was listening to music, and therefore it was something to do other than people watch, eaves drop, or be on the look out. somewhere along the way, it became more about avoiding typical city street distractions than about listening to the music.

the headphones do mean that i am tuning out the rest of the world. but it is not to listen to music. if you see me walking down the street, headphones on, eyes glazed over, don't ask me what i am listening to. ask me what i am thinking about. i may say dinner, or baseball, or food. but i may say happiness, or compassion, or minneapolis.