tarot

my friend shannon read my tarot cards last night. what that really means is i shuffled a deck of cards, she dealt them, and then she read what a book said that they meant while i took notes. we were doing a yearly reading, so there was a card for every month, a card to sum up the year, and then we did a clarification card at the end. i wrote the month, the card, and what i took to be the most important point from the two paragraphs of fortune she read. 

we created this story for my year. up through august, things were going to be rough. i was going to have a hard time, go through some things, and have some hard decisions to make. then, life would start to become clearer, i would start to travel more, and by the end of the year, be starting something new. i was pretty sad at first, hearing that i was going to go through turmoil and confusion, through hard times that were going to last through most of the year.

as i continued to write, though, and my year started to turn around, i began to wonder if the point of the tarot reading is not what the reader tells you but what you write down. i went into 2013 with a distinct plan on what i wanted to do with my life, without thinking about what it meat to execute that plan, what it means to go through each day of this year reeling, waiting, dreaming, crying. the tarot made me look that plan in the face. it made me understand that at the end of this year, the most i can hope for is hope for 2014. 

but knowing all of that, it's still okay. i have this feeling sometimes. it's like i'm high above and see where i am in the context of my life. i can vividly see everywhere i've been. i can make out what is directly in front of me. beyond that, there is a vast openness. i keep my head down, pushing forward, not knowing where i'll end up, but knowing that it'll be exactly where i need to be.