it is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. by that definition, i think i might be insane.
almost a year ago, i wrote in defense of the scottish compassion clause that allowed the convicted lockerbie bomber to be released from prison. a doctor diagnosed him with prostate cancer and said he had three months to live. i thought this was a stunning turn of events. a man who was convicted of such a horrible act is then forced to face his mortality. at the same time, a government takes action based on a moral high ground rather than politics or emotions. what a great world to live in! now, in the wake of the BP oil spill in the gulf coast, the US senate is going to examine accusations that BP lobbied the British government to do what it could to secure the release of the bomber. if he went free, BP would close an oil deal with Libya, making millions of dollars.
so it looks like i was wrong. it's not the type of wrong that is easy to change. it's not like i got a math problem wrong and just need to refresh my memory on multiplication tables. it's not like i used the wrong form of a verb in the wrong location. i was wrong because i chose to believe that people and their actions are good, true, and just. i chose to believe that a government could do something selfless with no ulterior motives. now, even while in the midst of being proven wrong, i am choosing not to change my beliefs.
i always assume that the young guy on the train will give up his seat for the older man. i expect people to think of the feelings of others before speaking. and it would never cross my mind that someone would be anything other than genuine in what they are saying. i trust automatically. and even when proven otherwise, i still continue to trust.
in the back of my mind, i know it doesn't make much sense. as i am writing this, remembering every time i believed the best and was wrong, i still don't understand why i don't join every other cynic in believing that everyone is innately a jerk. what i think it is, though, are those few times when i am not wrong.
when my brother and i were younger, my mom took us through the drive through at mcdonalds. we had stopped at the atm before so my mom could get $20. as we were waiting for our food to come out, my mom was entertaining us by holding the bill in the opening in the door frame that was there because the window was rolled down. i can't remember how, but she dropped the money into the door, loosing it forever. just then, the employee opened the drive through window to get us to pay. my mom explained the situation to him, said she was very sorry, but she couldn't pay for the food. he asked us to wait one second. when he returned, he brought us our food and said not to worry about it, they would cover our meal.
stories like that give me reassurance that there is always a small chance that i will be right. it makes me think that if i believe the best in others, if i trust others, if i open myself up to others, that someone out there will do the same for me when i need it. so is there a chance that i am insane? yes. but no one ever said the insane were unhappy.
